Note: It's been a while since anything's been posted. Sorry, I haven't felt motivated enough to write anything until now. This post is a personal writing piece and isn't connected to Denmark, but the next one will definitely be about exchange. You have a kinda sorta promise.
In the 2011 movie Limitless, Bradley Cooper stars as Eddie Morra.
Eddie is a writer who can't write a damn thing. He inhabits an apartment strewn in dirty plates and clothes. He eats greasy food and his biggest workout is getting off his chair and stumbling into a bar. His dreams are in shambles.
His beautiful and successful girlfriend leaves him, and he's left staring at a blank screen, bitch slapped daily by writer's block.
That's until he encounters his ex-wife's drug dealing brother after nine years of no contact. They stroll into a bar and after Eddie recounts his recent misfortunes, Mr. Wholesome Drug Dealer pulls out a slightly opaque, clear-colored tablet.
Eddie is promised that this single drug will revitalize his creative spark. Pushing away his skepticism, he takes it. After all, his life can't get any worse.
In about 30 seconds his energy and mental processing are boosted. The learning curve for languages and dense subjects is weeks long at most. His foresight is maximized and his attitude goes from slobbery loser to the epitome of charming sexiness.
He also sleeps with his landlord's wife during an argument with her over unpaid rent.
A week goes by. He's earned millions of dollars and admiration from Wall Street's most powerful businessmen. His ex-girlfriend returns and falls in love with this new, intimidating man.
Eddie faces challenges, but ends up becoming the perfect badass.
During the credits, my first thought was we'd all love to have that magic pill. Just swallow it and the barriers holding us back would disappear. Opportunities would beckon to us and we'd only need to walk toward them. We could do anything.
A couple of minutes later I realized we already had that magic pill. But it's not something we can actually ingest. It's an idea many of us, including me, have created in our heads. A shitty, gratifying one at that.
There are an infinite number of stories about amazing men and women, both from history and fiction, who've accomplished ridiculous feats. Read a book about any god in any culture or go to the movies. You'll find them.
Iron Man is a good example. Tony Stark is a technological genius with a ton of wealth. He's handsome. He's full of witty comebacks and never fails to find a solution to whatever catastrophes crash into his life.
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| We also don't have a badass metal suit like his |
There's a mystical aura surrounding these sorts of guys when we hear about them. The movies, documentaries, and legends captivate us. We're awestruck by the crazy shit they've done and hope we can accomplish stuff as great as theirs.
They were also in ideal scenarios that demanded strong individuals to rise, which is further romanticized when their actions are refined into digestible stories, since entertainment value carries more weight than accuracy or realism to our immediate attention spans.
They also never die in epic shootouts or sword fights, while we can choke to death eating toast.
So what we get is the satisfying icing of the multi-layered and flawed truth that is reality. And if we're not aware of this, it gets easy to assume the tasty surface is all there is.
Holding this mindset, we'll go nowhere with any skill we want to develop.
I was with a good friend a few weeks ago. We were taking a train to Copenhagen and we sat in front of a talkative couple. I heard them speaking in French and perked up. I dished out what I knew and the three of us had a chat, totally in French.
My buddy was dumbfounded. He said it was incredible I could hold a conversation for several minutes in the language.
While this felt cool to hear, I had to tell him about how much practice it took to get to that level.
Years of paying attention in class (for once, school was a great learning resource). Months of listening to French music and news, repeating each word to master the small quirks. The painful interactions where a native speaker would have to slowly stress each syllable before I understood. I even told a girl from Paris she had a great ass on accident. Pretty grueling.
Sticking through this period of throwing stuff out there and learning from the screw ups was possible because I was wholeheartedly inspired to learn. So it happened after a while.
Had I assumed after a couple weeks of training that I should have held a respectable fluency in French, I would have gotten frustrated and given up soon after.
Had I assumed after a couple weeks of training that I should have held a respectable fluency in French, I would have gotten frustrated and given up soon after.
Our willingness to endure the unappreciated grind of learning a new skill and how much we enjoy the process are the strongest determinants of whether we'll learn it or not.
This has been said a million times over by motivational speakers, writers, gurus, and eminent historical figures. But I feel it's useless to hear so often. Plus it's usually simplified into empty lines like "just follow your dreams" and "you can do whatever you want".
I believe it's irrelevant how much you read or hear something, even if it's amazing. You can have some dude with a megaphone blaring wisdom into your ears and writing down every step you need to take. It may provide you the best plans to whatever goals you have, but if you're not ready to use the information to your advantage, if you're not emotionally spurred by what you want to do, it's wasted effort. It's up to you to choose when you're ready to try.
The how or when are all over the place. I have my own story (which is still ongoing). Other people have theirs. But I believe there is a starting point: identifying what's important to us, what hasn't helped so far and how it needs to be revamped, being okay with having messed up for so long, etc.
Much of what's airing on TV or playing in the movies don't show this kind of complexity. It would be boring and slow. It's far more interesting to have a protagonist who always turns out fine at the end.
However, the Tony Stark's and the Eddie Morra's we imagine stay in our imaginations while the Michael Phelps's and Michael Jordan's train their asses off, most of us ignorant of the struggles they braved to be on the TV screen.
This isn't to say the media should undergo a revolution that portrays everything as candidly as possible. It'll be depressing as hell. And then the joy of making a fun movie or story disappears. Sometimes relaxing with a movie and junk food is perfect. I like to do that.
What I do advocate is understanding our lives on a much wider scope. Like wide as fuck:
What passions make your heart flutter? What difficulties are you willing to endure to live how you want?
What are your weaknesses as a person? Do you have attachment issues or can't seem to ever feel comfortable in social situations? Why? And of course what you can do to improve this?
Can you honestly say you're taking responsibility for your happiness?
I took these questions from countless people. They've been asked in different ways for hundreds of years, more so in the past few decades. Even in the 21st century, they're still very significant.
What was tough for me to comprehend was when you investigate yourself in a wholistic way, who you are, why you are working a particular job or doing something, the path you take can be alarming.
In my former high school, a lot of students were already talking about their college plans when they were 14 or 15. They needed to achieve A's in these classes and join a minimum number of extracurriculars to be accepted to that particular university.
Back then I had no idea what I was doing. Picking this college and that major and already having a career in mind didn't occur to me.
I did question why everyone else was though. I wanted to know what three to four (and maybe more afterward) years of college had to offer.
This didn't mean I had an automatic leg up on anyone. If you haven't read the other posts, I actually failed school for months and excessively played video games. Fortunately I managed to reverse these habits and refocus on more worthwhile activities.
One of these was talking with my classmates, making friends, and getting their input.
Some students knew what they were getting into with college. More school truly felt like the right choice to them. Cool. But some didn't. They were going with the majority, even with their doubts, because it was too daunting to try anything else.
I even corresponded with teachers. A few directly went to college while others had stuff to deal with before going anywhere.
One teacher had to begin to take his life seriously during his early twenties. His girlfriend threatened to break up with him if he didn't find a career. He had spent years going to bars and partying the night away after barely passing high school. She couldn't stand his bullshit anymore.
He restarted his academics at a local university and found a passion in history and sports. Now he's a history teacher who coaches football. The girlfriend who didn't accept his bullshit became his wife.
Another flew to Hawaii and earned money through odd jobs. After a few years of sun bathing and hula dancing, he noticed the lack of purpose in what he was doing, and chose to go to a university in Boston. He majored in political science, later becoming a lobbyist. After growing sick of politics, he earned a teaching degree out of a genuine love for educating students, even with a much lower salary.
Their stories didn't give any clear answers about the future, in fact making it seem more uncertain.
This was kind of scary in the beginning, but later the uncertainty turned into a valuable opportunity. Not too many other people were taking the time to discover what peaked their interests, There wasn't much specific advice I could take for what I wanted to do.
A few years of high school went by while I had these questions in mind. Loads of researching and pursuing what I liked went hand in hand during this time.
It turned out to be the perfect recipe for engaging with myself. I recognized what I could have been doing better and how leaping into the unfamiliar was nothing to be panicked by. And that led to me being a lot more realistic about school grades. They did matter. College did have value along with the negative parts, in a lot of surprising ways. Managing finances and having a source of income was really goddamn important. My failures weren't my parents' fault. Aliens probably existed. And of course, we can't always feel happy and content. I needed this grounding before I could go anywhere.
Living how we want isn't achieved by completing a list of tasks. It changes as we change. That promising career loses its luster once you realize how much it'll keep you away from your family. Staying in the town where you know everybody becomes constricting when you realize how enormous the world is. Then after a few years of traveling, settling down somewhere becomes an attractive option for you again. It's an everlasting pilgrimage because we discover a new destination with each step we take.
This correctly suggests unpredictability in our lives, but even without a road map, we all have someplace to begin.
To act consistently to your values. To chase what you want despite the self-doubt and discouragement from others. To be wrong over and over again. To have an understanding of how much of a grind it's going to be and being all right with it.
Yeah, it guarantees pain for you in some moments. You'll want to quit. You'll want to return to auto-pilot, going with the flow and accepting what's given to you. It's natural. It's human.
The meaning behind your actions has to draw you back into the fray. If it's important enough to you, you'll keep going. If it's not, you won't.
The pending joys and miseries are your responsibility.
Or just take some drugs and hope for the best.
Photo Credit: Ewan Cross
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